Taxicab Tales – Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh

In the past, I have shared a series of stories from my days publishing small town newspapers, from a job I had selling cars, about my time in the Army, and some tales of the offbeat adventures and misadventures I’ve gotten into in a series called Nick Happens. Now, I thought I would share some stories about a period in my life many years ago when I drove a taxicab in Tucson, Arizona. Oh, some of the things I witnessed back then! I’ve told more than one prospective author that if they really want to learn about human nature, they need to become a cop, a nurse, or a cab driver. You will see the best and worst of people in any of those jobs.

Being a short, fat, bald man myself, I’ve always tried to be empathetic to other peoples’ physical disadvantages. But sometimes things happen that push you over the edge, and you just have to laugh, no matter how hard you try not to.

Brian was a huge, hulking man who was born with some sort of birth defect that left him with a head almost twice the size of normal. And when I say normal, I mean in proportion to his already large frame. To make it even worse, his head was misshapen, and his face was terribly distorted. You couldn’t find a Halloween fright mask that was more bizarre than Brian’s normal appearance.

For all of his unfortunate appearance, Brian was a heck of a nice guy, and he seemed to take his appearance in stride. Once you got past first impressions, Brian was an interesting man to talk to, well read, and with a quick sense of humor.

He lived in a small place on Miracle Mile called the Tiki Motel, and every day he took a taxi to the Village Inn a few blocks south, and then back home after he ate. It was a short ride, worth only a couple of bucks, and Brian never tipped, probably because he couldn’t afford it. Because there was no money to be made off him, and due to his appearance, many of the drivers would pass when the dispatcher called for a Freaky Tiki pickup. But I didn’t mind and came to enjoy our short conversations during Brian’s daily ride to or from lunch. He was a lonely guy that the world overlooked.

A few days before Halloween, I got the usual call to pick up Brian at his motel, and we set off for the restaurant. We were stopped at the light at Grant Road, and a battered old Chevy pickup with two Mexican fellows inside pulled up beside us on the passenger side, where Brian sat in the front seat beside me.

The driver of the truck took a long drink from a can of beer, then looked over at my cab and saw Brian. He did a double take, and said to his buddy “Hey, man, take at look at this guy! Man, where the hell did you get that mask! I want one for my party tonight!”

Brian just looked out the windshield, and the passenger in the pickup leaned halfway across his buddy for a better look. “No shit, man! Where’d you get that thing? That’s cool!”

I was embarrassed for Brian, and the light seemed to take forever as the two guys in the truck marveled at this amazing sight. Brian seemed unaware, and when the light changed, we continued on down the street, with the pickup keeping pace until I turned into the restaurant’s parking lot.

Nothing was said, until Brian handed me my fare, and an extra buck.
“Here, you gave me too much,” I said as I started to give him the dollar bill back.
“Keep it,” Brian said. “It’s the least I can do, after the way those guys made fun of you.”
With that we both broke down and laughed so hard that an old couple walking past the cab turned to see what all the commotion was about.

What else can you do? Sometimes you just have to laugh.

And finally, here’s a chuckle to start your day from the collection of funny signs we see in our travels and that our readers share with us.

Thought For The Day – People never forget how you made them feel.