I’m Very Disappointed

I have to say that today I’m very disappointed with my family. In fact, not only am I disappointed, but I’m displeased. I’ve always thought I was pretty good about expressing myself, but apparently, as the prison camp captain said in the old Cool Hand Luke movie, we’ve had us a failure to communicate.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been telling Miss Terry, Kenny, and Tiffany that I really need a .38 Super semiautomatic pistol. I’ve had just about every kind of handgun there is over the years, but I’ve never had a .38 Super, and I decided I should probably have one. I’ve mentioned it several times, and even told them, being the reasonable man that I am, that it didn’t have to be a Colt or a Kimber or one of the other high-end models. I would settle for an entry-level pistol just to see how much I like the cartridge. If I didn’t, a huge amount of money wouldn’t be lost, and if I did, they’d have up until October of next year to save up the money to get me one of the top-of-the-line pistols. I’m reasonable, if nothing else.

Imagine my disappointment when I went out yesterday morning to feed Declan, the porch cat, and found this sitting in front of the garage door! What in the redneck hell is a fat, clumsy guy like me going to do with a trampoline? We all know if I tried playing on that thing, I’d fall off and break my fool neck.

Wait a minute. They’re a sneaky bunch. Maybe that was their plan all along. I bet Terry’s got a good-looking boy toy stashed away someplace waiting to replace me. Every time Kenny looks at the piles of stuff in the garage that I still haven’t sorted through yet and shakes his head at the mess, I tell him that someday it’s all going to be his. And quiet, meek little Tiffany? They always say those are the ones you’ve really got to watch out for.

My life may be in danger here, folks. If you suddenly don’t hear from me, send out a search party. It wouldn’t hurt to include a couple cadaver dogs with them.

Then again, maybe someone delivered the trampoline to my house by mistake, because it’s got a different name on it. I wonder if I’m watching too many true crime stories on the ID Discovery Channel.

It’s Thursday, so it’s time for a new Free Drawing. Just like last week, as we have done for the last several years and just in time for Christmas, this week’s prize is a another Kindle Paperwhite e-book reader with a 7” glare free display, adjustable warm light, up to 12 weeks of battery life, and even faster page turns than previous models. You are going to love this or make somebody on your Christmas shopping list very happy.

To enter, click on this Free Drawing link or the tab at the top of this page and enter your name (first and last) in the comments section at the bottom of that page (not this one). Only one entry per person per drawing please, and you must enter with your real name. To prevent spam or multiple entries, the names of cartoon or movie characters are not allowed. The winner will be drawn Sunday evening. Note: Due to the high shipping cost of printed books and Amazon restrictions on e-books to foreign countries, only entries with US addresses and e-mail addresses are allowed. After 90 days, unclaimed prizes revert back to the drawing pool for a future contest.

And finally, here’s a chuckle to start your day from the collection of funny signs we see in our travels and that our readers share with us.

Thought For The Day – I’m not sure I can jingle all the way. I can jingle some of the way, but then I’m going to need a nap.