I’m Not Just Anybody

 Posted by at 12:32 am  Nick's Blog
Jun 092024

My wife and children, and anybody who knows me well, never feel uncomfortable when I’m handling or using firearms. That’s probably because I grew up shooting, and basic gun safety was drilled into me from the time I could understand the English language. Between being a lifelong shooter and my time as a firearms instructor in the military and civilian life, I have fired more different weapons than I could ever remember and have literally put many tens of thousands of bullets downrange. Handguns, rifles, shotguns, machine guns, I’ve used them all at one time or another.

However, when I bought my Kubota tractor, they all seemed concerned that I might inadvertently do something to harm myself. After all, tractors are dangerous pieces of machinery, and if you’re not careful, anybody could get into trouble with one.

And I know my kids and wife all shuddered when I bought a chainsaw. That’s probably just as dangerous as a tractor, if not more so. Anybody using a chainsaw has to be extremely careful, or they could wind up doing some serious damage to themselves.

But I’m not just anybody. Oh, no, not by a long shot. I would never (knock on wood) make a mistake that could get me hurt with power tools or on the tractor. Besides, I’m a simple man. If I’m going to do something to draw blood or send me to an ER, I’m going to keep it basic. And what’s more basic than a pair of scissors?

Years ago, when we were living the fulltime RV lifestyle, I got up one morning and noticed that my beard had a couple of wild hairs sticking out on the side, so I decided I would trim them. Getting a pair of scissors that Terry used for cutting fabric or something, I stood in front of the mirror and tried to get rid of those wild hairs. I don’t know what happened to them, but I sliced my earlobe nearly in half. Do you have any idea how much an earlobe bleeds? Trust me, it’s a lot.

Hoping not to sound like one of those hucksters on the late-night television commercials; But wait, there’s more! I don’t think it was more than a week or two later that I detected some stray beard hairs on the other side of my face. Yes, I repeated the process with the same scissors and got the same results. I don’t know what Terry did with those scissors, but I haven’t seen them since.

I don’t know if it’s because she got complacent, or maybe old age is slipping up on her and she’s just not as careful as she used to be. But now there’s another pair of scissors in the bathroom. They’re much smaller, but who needs big scissors to hurt themselves? Anybody could do that, and I’m not just anybody.

When I looked in the bathroom mirror the other morning, I noticed my eyebrows were getting so shaggy I looked like a sheepdog. Hey, I’ll get those little scissors and solve that problem right now. Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you poke your eyeball with a pair of scissors like that? If not, I hope you never do.

Fortunately, I didn’t stick myself hard enough to penetrate, but I’ve spent the last two days walking around looking like I have pink eye and putting drops in and a tea bag on my eye, trying to make it feel better.

I don’t know if I should believe Miss Terry when she tells me these are the new summer fashion trend and all the guys are wearing them. What do you think?

Today is your last chance to enter our Free Drawing for an autographed copy of Callie And Natalie’s Dutch Family History by Darlene Miller. When nine-year-old Callie and her five-year-old sister Natalie go to Pella, Iowa with their grandmother they wear period dresses as they learn about their fourth, fifth, and sixth great-grandparents, who arrived in Pella in 1847. Other true Dutch stories are about more great-grandparents who immigrated in the early 1900s. Enjoy their experiences as they see, hear, and taste “all things Dutch” as they travel through Pella.

To enter, click on this Free Drawing link or the tab at the top of this page and enter your name (first and last) in the comments section at the bottom of that page (not this one). Only one entry per person per drawing please, and you must enter with your real name. To prevent spam or multiple entries, the names of cartoon or movie characters are not allowed. The winner will be drawn this evening. Note: Due to the high shipping cost of printed books and Amazon restrictions on e-books to foreign countries, only entries with US addresses and e-mail addresses are allowed. After 30 days, unclaimed prizes revert back to the drawing pool for a future contest.

And finally, here’s a chuckle to start your day from the collection of funny signs we see in our travels and that our readers share with us. That’s all right, I can’t say it or spell it either.

Thought For The Day – I don’t like making plans in advance because then the word premeditated gets thrown around the courtroom.

Nick Russell

World-Famous, New York Times Best Selling Author, and All-Around Nice Guy!

  3 Responses to “I’m Not Just Anybody”

  1. omg – let Miss Terry operate on your face/beard!

    Your doing well with W O R D S!

  2. The older I get the more I see the relevance of safety glasses.

  3. Minimizing the size of the scissors should help minimize the injuries. Let Terry see your mustache needs trimming and watch how fast she does it. LOL!
    Be Safe and Enjoy Terry’s ministrations.

    It’s about time.

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