Measuring Up

 Posted by at 1:02 am  Nick's Blog
Nov 222023

When it comes to being able to do manly things like using tools, home or auto maintenance, or repairing something, I will be the first to admit that I do not measure up. I never have had any kind of mechanical ability.

I remember when I first got my first car, one of the “cool” things to do was to replace the original spark plug wires with clear wires that glowed when the engine was running. So I ran out and bought a set, came home and pulled all the wires off of my old Chevy V-8 engine, and started slapping new wires on in their place. Then I wondered why it wouldn’t start. When my dad asked me if I had paid attention to the firing order, I had no idea what he was talking about. How was I to know that certain wires went from certain spark plugs to specific holes in the distributor cap? It took my dad and older brother a couple of hours to figure everything out and get the car running again.

That’s when my dad gave me a piece of advice that I’ve always tried to adhere to. He said, “Son, there are men who can fix things, and then there are guys like you. The best thing guys like you can do is get to know men who can fix things, or else make enough money that you can pay men who can fix things for you.” Experience has taught me that Dad was telling me the truth.

There are certain things I just can’t do. My son-in-law Kenny is a mechanic, and he can look at a bolt or nut and tell you that it’s a 9/16 or 3/8 or whatever. Not me. I have to try every wrench or socket I have until I find the one that fits. And it’s always the very last one in the toolbox. My buddy Jesse Bolton can read a tape measure like other people can read a book. Not me. I can look at a tape measure and tell you that something is two lines under ¼ inch, but that’s about the best I can do. Thank God for Miss Terry or our house would fall apart around us.

However, I just got a couple of new toys that are going to help me measure things. Not nuts and bolts, but at least distances. The first is a Leica DISTO D1 laser measure that will reach out 120 feet and even has Bluetooth capabilities and an app to allow you to lay out a floor plan on your computer. I spent an hour or so measuring things like rooms in our house and doorway widths and such and then checked them against the tape measure and it was right on the money. It’s definitely going to come in handy when we remodel the barn.

I also found an AOFAR HX-700N hunting range finder on Amazon and ordered it. Now I know that from our deck to the light pole out by the barn is 101 yards, and the barn itself is 135 yards. Even if he’s not a hunter, a guy needs to know these kind of things, right? At least that’s what I told Terry. The range finder is small, accurate out to 700 yards, easy to use, and comes with a nice carrying case.

These may seem like wasteful expenditures to some people, but the way I look at it, I don’t drink or smoke or use drugs, and I don’t chase women because if I ever caught one I wouldn’t know what to do with her anyway, so I’ve got a have something to occupy my time, don’t I?

And finally, here’s a chuckle to start your day from the collection of funny signs we see in our travels and that our readers share with us.

Thought For The Day – Any dog can be a guide dog if you don’t care where you’re going.

Nick Russell

World-Famous, New York Times Best Selling Author, and All-Around Nice Guy!

  One Response to “Measuring Up”

  1. About your not chasing women comment…if you ever started chasing one Miss Terry would certainly find out and her knowledge of tools would be your demise!

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