If I Only Had A Friend

I like to think of myself as a charming little cherub with a great sense of humor and lots of fun to hang out with. But let’s be honest, I can be a high-maintenance friend.

I never get to bed before 2 or 3 A.M. and seldom get out of bed until sometime between 11 and noon, so I don’t make much of a fishing buddy or someone to go down to the beach and watch the sunrise over the ocean with. But I will be happy to smile and nod my head while you tell me all about it later in the day and even act like I’m really interested.

I’m so clumsy that my dad always used to tell me I should get a job in a mattress factory when I grew up. But then he amended that by saying I would probably knock a stack of them over on top of me and smother myself. So if we go kayaking, there’s a good chance you’re going to have to drag my portly posterior out of the water at least once. And my good buddy Jesse Bolton could tell you that it’s dangerous to be around me when I’m trying to put a pontoon boat onto a trailer because I almost ran him over doing it the last time we were out together. Ever since then, he always finds a reason to beg off a trip out on the water.

When it comes to fixing things around the house, forget it. I can’t tell a screwdriver from a masonry trowel. But don’t worry, if you’re my friend and you like to do that sort of thing, or even if you don’t like to but know how, you can bet I’m gonna put you to work every now and then.

Nope, I’m hardly worth the trouble of getting to know. And sometimes that comes back and bites me in the butt because there are times when I really need a friend. Like now, for example. Miss Terry made this huge delicious cheesecake yesterday, and I know that if I eat it all by myself, I’ll gain so much weight that I can’t get through the kitchen doorway. Although, when you think about it, if you’re going to be stuck someplace, Terry’s kitchen is a pretty good spot for it. 😊

Gee, if I only had a friend to help me eat it.

And finally, here’s a chuckle to start your day from the collection of funny signs we see in our travels and that our readers share with us. I have a feeling cell phone coverage may be spotty for a while.

Congratulations Jon Ensminger, winner of our drawing for an audiobook of Crazy Days In Big Lake, the third book in my Big Lake mystery series. Everybody seems to have gone crazy in the little mountain community. Neighbors are threatening violence, eco-protestors are on the march, flower children are camping in the nearby forest, two of Sheriff Jim Weber’s deputies have gotten into a fistfight in the ButterCup Café, the grocery store manager has locked himself in his office and won’t come out, bears are chasing dogs into houses, and somebody has stolen the town’s mascot. As if that isn’t enough to deal with, a mild-mannered retired couple have shot an intruder during a home invasion. By the time this wild tale is finished, more blood will be shed and the good people of Big Lake will be left wondering just how well they really know their neighbors.

We had 25 entries this time around. Stay tuned, a new contest starts soon. Note: Due to the high shipping cost of printed books and Amazon restrictions on e-books and audiobooks to foreign countries, only entries with US addresses and e-mail addresses are allowed.

Thought For The Day – To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.