Three Quickies

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter! When you’re as old and fat as me, nothing is ever quick. But today I thought I’d share three different quick stories from the Nick Happens files, which are a collection of my adventures and misadventures over the years.

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In our first trip in our motorhome, before we became fulltime RVers, we were staying at Zane Grey RV Village in Camp Verde, Arizona and were relaxing under our awning. In fact, I was feeling so relaxed after a few days away from my sometimes hectic life publishing a small town newspaper that as the stress faded away, so did I, falling asleep in my lawn chair! I woke up to the sound of another RV pulling into the site next to ours, a Class C rental unit occupied by an attractive young couple from Switzerland, who are touring the country with their two little girls. The husband was amazed at the size of our wide body rig and told us it would be impossible to drive such an RV on Europe’s narrow roads.

An hour or so later, I had gone inside to use the bathroom, and when I finished and was washing my hands, Miss Terry came inside and told me that our foreign neighbors must not realize just how close the quarters are in an RV park. It seems the pretty blonde woman had stripped down to get ready for bed standing right in front of the window, without closing the blinds. And I missed it! Yes, I missed my one and only chance to see Swiss boobs! Terry had come inside to spare herself or our neighbors any further embarrassment, but I sat outside another two hours swatting bugs, and all I ever got to see was the guy in his boxer shorts! Timing is everything.

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In our first year as fulltimers, way back in 1999, before we all had cell phones attached at birth, we were somewhere west of Baton Rouge, Louisiana when we pulled into a rest area to stretch, take a quick walk around the motorhome and dinghy to be sure all was well, and to make a couple of telephone calls. Standing at the phone booth, I suddenly realized this was not a place I wanted to be. Several police cars had pulled in and officers were piling out wearing flak vests and carrying M-16 automatic rifles and riot shotguns. Not being a big fan of gunfire unless I can shoot back, I cut my call short and headed for the RV at a fast pace (or at least as fast as a short fat guy can move). Along the way I noticed several people milling about, but nobody appeared worried about the firefight that seemed imminent. I asked somebody what was happening and learned they were filming a new action adventure movie. Heart rate and peace of mind restored, we headed on down the highway and had a giggle or two at my moment of panic.

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We were dry camping and vending at an Escapees RV Club rally at a fairgrounds in Wisconsin back in that same time period. The rally ended on Friday morning and everybody was supposed to be gone by 3 p.m. I was feeling under the weather and asked a groundskeeper if we could park someplace there for the night. He told us to just stay put and we would be fine. Standing on your feet in a vending booth for 8 or 9 hours a day for several days is exhausting. Besides me not feeling great, we were worn out and didn’t wake up until about 10 a.m. Saturday morning. When we pulled back the curtains over the windshield, we were shocked to find that we were surrounded by classic cars. Apparently the man I had talked to did not know about the car show that weekend. Since we could not have made our way through the cars and spectators in our motorhome, and since we love classic cars anyway,we stayed put until Monday morning. Not a bad way to spend a weekend.

Thought For The Day – Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.