Here is another installment from my Nick Happens file, a collection of my adventures and misadventures over the years. In this one I will tell you how to pick up women, and what happens when you pick up the wrong one.
We were visiting Mackinac Island, Michigan, known for the famous Grand Hotel, the fact that automobiles are not allowed on the island (this is not exactly true, because they have an ambulance and several police cars), and the excellent fudge sold at a number of shops along the busy waterfront.
When I say the waterfront is busy, I mean it. On weekends during the peak tourist season in the summer, sometimes you can hardly move on the sidewalks. Or you may find yourself packed in the midst of a crowd, moving when they move and stopping when they stop. Think the big tent during the annual RV show in Quartzsite, Arizona or Seattle’s Pike Place Market. This can cause problems if you’re not careful.
It wasn’t quite that busy during our visit, but there were still a lot of people everywhere we went. Miss Terry and I were strolling along the main street window shopping and paused with a crowd of people to watch a young man inside one of the island’s many fudge shops working the fudge on a marble table to cool it.
After a minute or two, I knew I either had to move on or blow my diet for the next six months. So, with longing eyes still locked on the fudge, I took my lady’s hand and led her on down the sidewalk. Terry and I hold hands everywhere we go and sometimes I play with an opal ring she wears on her right hand as we walk along. On this day I did not feel the ring and just assumed she had not worn it for some reason. That is until we reached the next store and I glanced at Terry to say something, and realized I was holding the wrong woman’s hand!
As it turns out, I had grabbed the closest hand, and it belonged to another tourist. She, thinking it was her husband, never realized it was a different handsome devil leading her astray. We both looked at each other in shock, while her husband, following close behind us, was barely able to stand up, he was laughing so hard. I don’t know which of our three faces was the reddest, the lady’s or mine with embarrassment, or his with laughter.
Finally, with tears rolling down his checks, he managed to jerk a thumb over his shoulder in the direction we had come from, and said, “I think you left someone behind. Yours is back there.”
His wife pulled her hand from mine and demanded to know why he had allowed a perfect stranger to just walk away with her. (The “perfect” part of her description proves we had never met before.) His response was, “Well, why did you go?” Once she got over her shock, we all had a good laugh. Then I went back to find Terry before someone else made off with her.
It’s a fact folks, I need adult supervision at all times
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Thought For The Day – Marriage Tip: Whenever you talk to your wife, you should remember that this conversation is being recorded for training and quality control purposes.
Nick Russell
World-Famous, New York Times Best Selling Author, and All-Around Nice Guy!