Are you finished with your Christmas shopping yet? Or are you one of those people who hits the mall fifteen minutes before it closes on Christmas Eve, frantically searching for anything to finish out your shopping list? I mean what the heck? Any present is better than no present, right?
Well, maybe not. Today I thought it would be fun to share some of the worst Christmas gifts we have ever received. You know, those things that you tear the wrapping paper off of and think “Huh? What in the world am I supposed to do with this?”
Yeah, I know. We’re supposed to be grateful for whatever we get and accept it with grace and all of that, but let’s be honest here. We have all received a gift or two over the years that really made us question the reasoning of the person who gave it to us, or at least wonder if they even know us! I sure have.
Now, I’m not talking about the aftershave and ties all Dads get from their kids. Those don’t count. Unless your kids are in their thirties and should know better. I’m talking about the gifts that come from people who probably should have just stayed home and watched reruns of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, instead of going to all of the trouble to get dressed, leave the house, and fight the crowds to buy that!
And fruitcake doesn’t count! Fruitcake is not a Christmas gift! There have only been 250 fruitcakes ever made, and they just get regifted over and over every year, because nobody actually wants to eat the darn things.
I’ve gotten my share of strange gifts over the years. Maybe more than my share. I had an old widowed aunt who always sent me a popcorn ball every Christmas. It always came wrapped in a big box, inside of which was a smaller wrapped package, which held an even smaller wrapped box. Usually three or four boxes that I had to get through to finally reach that same dumb popcorn ball. And it was always stale! I think she made a couple million of them up about the time Truman left office and sent them out to everybody in the family every year. Yes, everybody in the family. My mom, my dad, my sister – every Christmas we each got a box inside a box inside a box, until we eventually got down to that damn popcorn ball!
Back during my newspaper publishing days, one of my employees gave me a baseball cap with a screen printed picture of a golfer one Christmas. Why a golfer? I’ve never played golf. I’ve never expressed an interest in golf. Why not a fisherman, or a hunter, or a fat guy sitting on a couch? A golfer?
My first mother-in-law was the stereotypical one from hell that we all hear about, and that woman did not like me even one tiny bit. But my father-in-law at the time was a really nice guy, and he made her buy everybody in the family a gift every year, even though I don’t think she really liked any of us, even her own kids. But I knew I occupied a special place on her list, because one year she sent me an onion. A big, raw Bermuda onion. If you send a guy who is deathly allergic to onions an onion for Christmas, is there really more than one way to interpret it? Another year I got a used, rusty flashlight she had apparently picked up at a yard sale someplace. Perhaps the weirdest gift she gave me was a paintbrush. Yeah, that makes about as much sense as a golfer’s baseball cap, doesn’t it?
So how about you? Come on, don’t be shy. What’s the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
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Thought For The Day – Six pack abs are for guys that don’t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
Nick Russell
World-Famous, New York Times Best Selling Author, and All-Around Nice Guy!
My worst Christmas gift turned out to be one of my favorites….my ex-mother-in-law gave me an iron skillet one year……… thought it was weird but I have used it constantly and love it! About unusual gifts……. my husband is the champ! He gave me a bag of caramels the day after I had several teeth pulled, a flashlight for Christmas one year, and when I explained that he should give a girl something pretty, the next year he gave me a red one! Then there’s the Valentines Day he came home with a beautiful bouquet of red roses……. then told me he got them out of the trash bin at the florist! I could go on……… there’s more……… but these are good examples! And I’m still married to him… ?????
When I was a kid, the family didn’t have much, so you got 1 gift. My worst gift ever was a dictionary. Those Germans are practical people.
Pork chops. On our first Christmas together my new husband apparently realized he was supposed to get me a gift. So he left Christmas morning and came back an hour later with a package of frozen pork chops. I have no idea why or where he got them. I’d like to say that was the only time he did something like that, but I would be lying.
Worst gift ever? A coupon for $10 off an oil change and filter from my brother-in-law to be used at his oil change shop.
How about creepiest gift ever? We were college students living in an old house that had been made into several small apartments and the icky man (that’s what all the girls living there called him) across the hall, who I had only nodded to a time or two, knocked on my door and gave me a handwritten coupon for a free full body massage at his apartment. We moved soon afterward.
My first mother-n-law gave me a box of “sanitary products” on my first Christmas with the family. I was 19 and we were all gathered around the tree opening presents. I was mortified when I tore the wrapping paper off for everybody to see. I have no idea why that woman hated me so much, but she took every opportunity to make my life hell. Two years later she get her son back and I got my freedom.
I’d have to say the worst Christmas present was a woodburning set I got from my grandparents when I was 14. If it were not for the fact that I am legally blind it might have been fun.
My high school boyfriend was in Vietnam on Christmas 1969. He took a bite out of am apple and mailed the apple to me so I could take a bite too. By the time it got to me in Minnesota a good three weeks after Christmas it looked like a shrunken head. No, I did not bite it. But I married that goofball and we had over 40 years together until God called him home.
Divorce papers
Luckily I haven’t gotten any horrible gifts that I remember but I really enjoyed reading about yours, especially the onion. You must have occupied a very special place in her heart… 🙂
This wasn’t a present, but one of the worst Christmas days we had was in 2002. My grandfather spent the whole meal talking about how the day before was the anniversary of his mother’s death. My husband’s uncle was not doing well and we knew he probably just had hours left, so we were trying to avoid the topic, but Grandpa kept going on and on about it. The uncle did pass away on Christmas, and Grandpa died unexpectedly two days later (I always suspected that he may have had a premonition about it).
It was just before Christmas 1962 and I had a date with Danny Baker who was the handsomest I had ever seen in my 16 years. It was also my first date since I was not allowed to date until I was 16. A week or so before that my younger brother came home from school with the measles. The day before my date I started coughing and had a runny nose, but hid it from my mom and dad because I did not want to miss my big date. Danny picked me up in his fire engine red hot rod and we went to the movies at the Joy-Lan drive in in Dade City. Back then the drive in was called the makeout pit and yes we did some making out. Nothing too much partly because both Danny and I were nervous and partly because I was coughing my head off. But we managed to get some kissing done and steamed up the windows. By the time Danny took me home I was feeling miserable and woke up the next morning covered with red itchy spots all over. That was my Christmas gift from my little brother. And yes I gave them to Danny too!
Birth control pills from my stepmother who was convinced I was going to get pregnant. I was 12 and had never even kissed a boy!
Sponges, paper towels and a calendar! I won’t say from whom because I don’t want to embarrass my dear husband!
I had the unfortunate need to sue an irresponsible fiduciary. It was nasty, it was family and he was guilty. He went more than bankrupt. But he did give me a present. A 4 pound bag of beef jerky. I was happy to eat it. 🙂