Anybody who knows me well knows that I have absolutely no business messing around with tools. Not a wrench, not a screwdriver and heaven forbid not a saw! You know those tiny little screwdrivers that come with a couple of miniscule screws that people use to put their eyeglasses back together? We’d be better off letting a swarthy young man with an AK-47 and a cardboard sign that says Kill the Infidels pass through a TSA checkpoint than to let me have one of those!
And forget power tools! I once lost a digit to an electric pencil sharpener. Okay, I didn’t really lose a digit to an electric pencil sharpener, but back in my newspaper publishing days I did get my tie caught in an office paper shredder. Fortunately some sort of safety device built into it said, “Stop! Nick’s got his tie caught in us again!” and I wasn’t chopped and diced along with the papers I was trying to get rid of. But have you ever tried to disengage yourself from a paper shredder when you’re the only one in the office? Trust me, it’s not easy!
Now, Miss Terry, she’s another story. She loves tools, and she knows what to do with them. For those of you who are not familiar with her abilities, here are a few pictures of the oak cabinets Terry built in our MCI bus conversion. Now, she didn’t go to Home Depot and buy cabinets, she bought wood and built them from scratch. No shortcuts for her, she built them the same way she cooks and bakes. Start with good materials and take it from there.
I used to always say that some men go to Frederick’s of Hollywood and get their ladies sexy garter belts and such, but to win my darling’s heart, I take her to Lowes to look for a new tool belt! Some people might think the fact that I’m so inept and my wife is so talented makes me less of a man. But I know me better than anybody else in the world does, and trust me, there are so many things that make me less of a man that tools don’t even figure into the equation!
But I’m proud to say that our dear friends Bill and Mabel Becker have found a way to boost my fragile male ego when it comes to tools. The other day a package arrived at Terry’s parents for us, and inside was my very own tool belt, complete with hammer, saw, wrenches, screwdriver, and even a drill! Somebody find me some wood, I’m gonna build something!
Speaking of building things, check out Joshua Couch’s neat website, Truck Camper Porn. Don’t worry, there’s no real porn there, but you’ll see some neat homebuilt truck campers.
Thought For The Day – I’m allergic to food. It makes me break out in fat.
Nick Russell
World-Famous, New York Times Best Selling Author, and All-Around Nice Guy!
I’m not buying it.
I think you can still probably manage to hurt yourself with those.
Sometimes we need to start the day with a good laugh. That’s why I have your blog at he top of my “Favorites” list.
Well done, Nick!
Have a great day!
E & M
Haha tell the Mrs from one woodworker to another, great job! Now my hubby can handle tools but he says the same thing. Don’t ever have to take her to a mall or buy her jewelry, He has even forbid me to drive by Lowes a time or two.
I agree with Greg. I foresee some Mickey Mouse band aids in your future.
I too like to start my day with a good laugh. I expect a future story about damage or injury you manage with the tools.
Nick, please be careful, have Terry get the super hero band-aids before you attempt a project; We really needed a good laugh in our life right now. Thank you for giving it to us.
Still laughing. You and the Beckers make a good comedy team.
Have Greg or Terry supervise when using the tools.
Nick
You can buy plastic wood at Lowes for your next project. Also might that be a small stain on your shirt I see?
I think I was drooling over my new tools, Gary.
Dennis and I loved it and were so happy that you have a sense of humor.
Nick,
Your tie-in-the-paper-shredder story reminded me of the time I worked as a repairman for word processing equipment. Our word processor was built around the old IBM Selectric typewriter. I had a frantic call from an office just down the street and when I arrived I saw a young secretary with her head directly on top of the printer, her long hair wrapped around the platen where the paper should be. The machine was still turned on and it would repeatedly bang her head against the top of the machine. I quickly pulled the plug, but the damage was done. Her long blonde hair was tightly wrapped around the gears that moved the paper through the printer. I finally handed a pair of scissors to one of her girl friends who “did the honors” of cutting a good six inches of her hair from the right side of her head to free her from the machine.
As I recall, she was really cute, but I thought that asking her out at the point wouldn’t be a smart move. lol
Wayne